I apologize for the lack of posts over the last 2 months. We took a trip to Atlanta, then I started back to work and, well needless to say, things have been crazy since. Will post new pics of the baby and give updates on other going-ons in the next post, but I wanted to dedicate this one to my maternity leave. I took another 12 weeks, though as anyone with whom I've chatted with since Sam was born knows that only part of that was paid. Yep, the Johnsons have been livin' on love. That and many a handout from the Weavers and many a free babysitting night from Grandmama and Grandaddy.
In between midnight feedings, nursing or pumping at least 8 times a day, working through toddler temper-tantrums, catching up on scenes from The Bachelor, keeping the house running, and attempting to maintain a relationship with my spouse, that gives one a lot of time to think and ponder over the many important things in life. I still whole heartedly agree with the points I reflected on during my last blog about my maternity leave, but with experience and time comes new knowledge and new words of wisdom to pass along. Not that any of these revelations are truly life altering or supreme bits of advice, but I hope they offer a glimpse into our appreciation and love for each other and our friends and family as well.
My meditations from my first maternity I left in black. The new stuff from this second maternity leave are in blue.
We never would have made it through the first few weeks without the love and support of our friends and family. I know that sounds a bit cheesy, but it's soooooo true.
Taking care of a baby is hard, recovering from a c-section is hard... we would have fallen apart without help from everyone else. Next time Leslie says, 'We want to take the
first few weeks to bond with the baby, just us', please shoot me. How naive can one be? Also, let me go ahead and take this time to apologize to anyone we know who has had a baby and we've done nothing to help out. What jerks we've been. I guess you don't know just how hard it is until you go through it yourself. I am pledging that from now on, if you have a baby, or have a major surgery, or something similar, we'll be there. The visits, offers of help, food, gifts... everything everyone did for us, we'll pay it forward to someone else. Promise. And please hold me to that especially when I selfishly get caught up in my own busy life.
#2 is no different. We needed help even more so this time around. I will say though, the planned c-section was much, much easier than recovery from emergent c-section.
2. Things I wish they would've told me... or reinforced better...
1. It's hard. No, really hard. This had to be the number one thing we heard. We knew it was going to be hard... duh... but I guess we didn't realize just how hard. We probably wouldn't have believed how hard it was if someone tried to tell us. It gets harder when there's two of them. Yes, even harder. But totally worth it!! Or at least that's what they tell me- we're almost there I think. Also, when you're pregnant with your first and people ask you if you're ready and you say, "Yes," and they say how excited you must be- what they're really thinking to themselves is, "This idiot has no clue what's about to happen." And you don't until it actually happens! When you're pregnant for the second time and people ask you if you're ready and you tell them, "This is my second so I'm kinda ready,"- the two of you share a sly smile and knowingly nod to each other thinking "Yep, must be an idiot to do this all over again."
2. It changes your life completely. Well, duh... of course... but I guess we didn't realize just how it would change our lives. I can't even explain how it changes, but it does, everything does. There's not as big of an adjustment when #2 comes along, but it does require increased planning and extreme multitasking.
3. You can function on much less sleep than you think you need. You may not be functioning sanely, but you're functioning.
4. You bleed for 4-6 weeks afterwards. Nice, I know. Thanks for telling me this one. You don't bleed as much with a planned c-section though it seems.
5. 12 weeks go by quick. No, really quick. In fact, just when it starts to get fun (around week 8 or 9) it's practically over. This time around was similar, except I started having fun a little earlier- say around week 6 or so. I think this is due to combination of me recovering more easily from the surgery and having a baby that actually sleeps.
6. Sometimes you feel like a barn yard animal. It's hard not to, especially when you're hooked up to your breast pump 2-3 times a day and have a baby latched on to you another 5-6 times a day. One day, simultaneously I was bleeding (see above #4), leaking milk, and crying-- way too many liquids coming out of different bodily orifices for me to handle. Yes, this happened again this time around too.
3. If you throw a hissy fit the night before your husband is supposed to go back to work, he'll stay home an extra day. Yes, I did throw a temper tantrum the night before Andrew was supposed to go back to work, but it just so happened to be a series of misfortunate events. I had a very high fever due to the one two combination of a UTI and mastitis. That, coupled with the thought of Andrew going back to work- which pretty much sent me into hysteria, sent me overboard. Luckily, I have the best husband in the world and he stayed home and extra day and took care of me and the baby (with the help of my mom too!). Woohoo! No need to throw a hissy fit this time around. No post-op UTI, no mastitis. I felt much better as a whole and I think that helped a lot too.
4. Instructions not included. Contrary to popular belief, Andrew and Leslie really don't know what they're doing regarding parenting. And still don't. Once you think you've got it down, the kid hits some new stage in life and you're thrown into a whole different game not knowing the rules or regulations. We (well, I) read a few books and have tried out a few different things, but we're still not sure how to raise a baby or toddler. We're making it through pretty good so far (we think) with only a few minor issues.... No Andrew, you can't dunk the baby underwater. Well duh Andrew, of course the baby is going to cry if you flick water in his face. There's much less of a learning curve the second time around, but it's amazing how much you forgot (or stowed away deep somewhere in your brain) from the first time around.
5. Thoughts on the Baby Blues. Although I didn't go through complete post partum depression, I'm pretty sure I had a case of the baby blues (a slightly less intense version). You get home and you've got this baby who's hungry all the time, and you can't move because you're in so much pain from the c-section, and your hormones are going besurk, and you have no clue what you're doing. It was rough there for the first few weeks. So sorry to all the people I called who couldn't understand a word I was saying through all the tears (mine, not the baby's). Of course I loved the baby from the beginning, but it took me a bit to really feel affectionate towards him. Andrew on the other hand was head over heels for the baby from the beginning. Many days I wished I could've been like him. I remember the first day I told Tyler I loved him. Andrew looked up at me and said, 'You've never told him that before'. I felt it, it just took me a while to say it. What helped me most to work through the baby blues (after my hormones began to stabilize) was making sure I got out of the house at least once a day, got back into a routine, and got back to doing things I enjoyed. This time around I had several days where I was feeling especially blue, but nothing compared to the first time around. I think this was due to a combination of just feeling better physically and somewhat knowing to expect. Now anxiety- that's a whole different ball game. I guess my mental issues have morphed from depression to anxiety (or probably a combo of both).. but that's a whole different post.
6. Your breast pump is your best friend and your worst enemy. Despite giving nursing the ole college try, it never really worked out for me. There was just too much positioning involved, uncomfortable pain, and it took forever! Just when you finished one feeding session, you had maybe an hour and a half before you had to start the whole process over again. Oh, and let's not forget the supplies required- the boppy and other pillows, nipple shield, burpie, and nursing bra to name a few. Perhaps it was due to all these issues, but I never really felt that extreme bonding time between baby and mom while nursing. Now bottle feeding- that on the other hand is something I can get into. But if you want your baby to have the benefits of breast milk, you got to get it out with your pump. Ah- the pump. My best friend as it allows others to participate in the feeding of the baby, allows me to sleep for a whole night through, and allows me to spend more than 3 hours away from baby. Still, it remains my worst enemy for several reasons: 1. I'm pretty sure it's sucking out more than milk. I'm convinced it's also sucking out brain cells. 2. It too can be uncomfortable- though likely not as uncomfy as an infant with teeth, and 3. If you're not careful, it will start talking to you, saying the same words or phrases over and over again in its own rhythmic way. With Tyler, my pump's favorite words and phrases were: Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson (he died just after Tyler was born), Help Me! Help Me! (this only lasted a few weeks at the beginning- see Meditation #5), and police man, police man (not sure why for this one- crazy I know). With Sam, my pump's choice expressions are wacko, wacko and lipo, lipo (hhhmmmmmmm.... a bit of psycho-analysis anyone?).
7. One is not entirely liable for anything said to your partner during periods of hysterical crying by the children. Most days we've got both kids crying simultaneously for a little while and as you can imagine, this can be quite a stressful time. During this time, it is not unlikely to hear outbursts come from yourself or your partner that are said during a moment of frustration. If this occurs, and I'm sure it will (it happens in our house at least daily), you've got to let it go. Enough said. Of course, it is always helpful that when the intense period with the kids is over that you acknowledge or apologize to your partner. Andrew's really good at this. I'm working on it myself.
8. Ob-la-de, Ob-la-da, Life Goes On. We took Tyler to the doctor a few days after we got home from the hospital. I remember riding over there and thinking to myself, 'Wow, the sun is still shining, the streetlights still change from red to green, people are out and about going to work or running errands, gas prices are still rising- life goes on.' Sometimes you don't feel that way, especially when you've been enclosed in your house taking care of a baby and recovering from major surgery. After I realized that the world had not ended, I had a much brighter outlook on things. Andrew and I went back to living our lives pretty much like we had before we had Tyler, it just took some extra planning on our part. Babies adjust. They go where you go, do what you do. I think that made Tyler, Mommy, and Daddy much happier. Still chugging along here and bundling up Sam and taking him along with the whole family. We do hold bedtime sacred though. This helps everyone. One of my favorite times of the day is after we've put both boys to bed, Andrew and I come downstairs, fix a hard drink, give each other a hug and high five, pat each other on the back, say "Good job babe. We've made it through another day.", put our feet up and watch TV for a bit till it's time to go to bed, wake up the next morning and start the whole process over again. Wouldn't trade it for the world though.
