Meditations on the Maternity Leave

1. I am not an island.

We never would have made it through the first few weeks without the love and support of our friends and family. I know that sounds a bit cheesy, but it's soooooo true.

Taking care of a baby is hard, recovering from a c-section is hard... we would have fallen apart without help from everyone else. Next time Leslie says, 'We want to take the

first few weeks to bond with the baby, just us', please shoot me. How naive can one be? Also, let me go ahead and take this time to apologize to anyone we know who has had a baby and we've done nothing to help out. What jerks we've been. I guess you don't know just how hard it is until you go through it yourself. I am pledging that from now on, if you have a baby, or have a major surgery, or something similar, we'll be there. The visits, offers of help, food, gifts... everything everyone did for us, we'll pay it forward to someone else. Promise. And please hold me to that especially when I selfishly get caught up in my own busy life.

2. Things I wish they would've told me... or reinforced better...

1. It's hard. No, really hard. This had to be the number one thing we heard. We knew it was going to be hard... duh... but I guess we didn't realize just how hard. We probably wouldn't have believed how hard it was if someone tried to tell us.

2. It changes your life completely. Well, duh... of course... but I guess we didn't realize just how it would change our lives. I can't even explain how it changes, but it does, everything does.

3. You can function on much less sleep than you think you need. You may not be functioning sanely, but you're functioning.

4. You bleed for 4-6 weeks afterwards. Nice, I know. Thanks for telling me this one.

5. 12 weeks go by quick. No, really quick. In fact, just when it starts to get fun (around week 8 or 9) it's practically over.

6. Sometimes you feel like a barn yard animal. It's hard not to, especially when you're hooked up to your breast pump 2-3 times a day and have a baby latched on to you another 5-6 times a day. One day, simultaneously I was bleeding (see above #4), leaking milk, and crying-- way too many liquids coming out of different bodily orifices for me to handle.

3. If you throw a hissy fit the night before your husband is supposed to go back to work, he'll stay home an extra day. Yes, I did throw a temper tantrum the night before Andrew was supposed to go back to work, but it just so happened to be a series of misfortunate events. I had a very high fever due to the one two combination of a UTI and mastitis. That, coupled with the thought of Andrew going back to work- which pretty much sent me into hysteria, sent me overboard. Luckily, I have the best husband in the world and he stayed home and extra day and took care of me and the baby (with the help of my mom too!).

4. Instructions not included. Contrary to popular belief, Andrew and Leslie really don't know what they're doing regarding parenting. We (well, I) read a few books and have tried out a few different things, but we're still not sure how to raise a baby. We're making it through pretty good so far (we think) with only a few minor issues.... No Andrew, you can't dunk the baby underwater. Well duh Andrew, of course the baby is going to cry if you flick water in his face.

5. Thoughts on the Baby Blues. Although I didn't go through complete post partum depression, I'm pretty sure I had a case of the baby blues (a slightly less intense version). You get home and you've got this baby who's hungry all the time, and you can't move because you're in so much pain from the c-section, and your hormones are going besurk, and you have no clue what you're doing. It was rough there for the first few weeks. So sorry to all the people I called who couldn't understand a word I was saying through all the tears (mine, not the baby's). Of course I loved the baby from the beginning, but it took me a bit to really feel affectionate towards him. Andrew on the other hand was head over heels for the baby from the beginning. Many days I wished I could've been like him. I remember the first day I told Tyler I loved him. Andrew looked up at me and said, 'You've never told him that before'. I felt it, it just took me a while to say it. What helped me most to work through the baby blues (after my hormones began to stabilize) was making sure I got out of the house at least once a day, got back into a routine, and got back to doing things I enjoyed. Which leads me to my next thought...

6. Ob-la-de, Ob-la-da, Life Goes On. We took Tyler to the doctor a few days after we got home from the hospital. I remember riding over there and thinking to myself, 'Wow, the sun is still shining, the streetlights still change from red to green, people are out and about going to work or running errands, gas prices are still rising- life goes on.' Sometimes you don't feel that way, especially when you've been enclosed in your house taking care of a baby and recovering from major surgery. After I realized that the world had not ended, I had a much brighter outlook on things. Andrew and I went back to living our lives pretty much like we had before we had Tyler, it just took some extra planning on our part. Babies adjust. They go where you go, do what you do. I think that made Tyler, Mommy, and Daddy much happier.